I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
