Porn is love you can see.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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