The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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