haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
