am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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