i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
