I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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