I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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