It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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