I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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