If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
