if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
