NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
