Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
