my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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