Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
