i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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