do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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