so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
