decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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