Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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