whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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