Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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