Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
