Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
