I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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