Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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