Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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