I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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