So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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