haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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