woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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