I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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