Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
