Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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