everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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