Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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