You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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