Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
