Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
