Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
