He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
