That's intense
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
