just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
