So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
