My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
