I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
