I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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