I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
