I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
