I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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