ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This house was built for laser tag.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
