When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize