talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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