Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
