People with herpes should wear stickers.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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