I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
