I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
