I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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