The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
