We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
