I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
