It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
