Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
