walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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