Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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