are you still at the devil's house?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
