I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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