Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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