don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
