You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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