I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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