i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Welp...herpes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
