Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
