somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
