I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
