This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
