absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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